Making memories is a big thing nowadays. When people share posts about a day trip, theatre visit or recent holiday, they invariably say they have been 'making memories'. Don't get me wrong, making memories is very important and wonderful memories are very powerful things. They comfort us, support us, give us guidance, provide wisdom and give us strength at difficult times, including times of bereavement and loss.
However, I've been wondering if a spotlight should also be shone on the idea of sharing old memories as making new ones. As I work with families to tell the story of their loved one's life, some come to realise that they don't know much about their loved one's past. Names of the schools they attended, and their membership of the Guides or Scouts are often known. However, their feelings about the daily grind of lessons or the funny stories of the leaking canvas tents and empty gas bottles are often lost. Many families say their loved ones 'never mentioned school' or 'just got on with living life' so they never had the opportunity to learn much about their past.
This actually came as a bit of a shock to me, because I was brought up in a family where the past always featured in the present. The house was full of photos and my Dad would talk about the people they showed. When a favourite song came on the radio, he would recall singing it in a local operatic society production or concert, and then get an old reel-to-reel tape recording out to relive the moment.
Dad would reminisce about anything and everything. He would talk about school, describing how he hid away from P.E. lessons to set up the school projector instead. The names of his teachers, school friends and people at church were as familiar to me as my own. Life in the RAF, work at Cole Brothers in Sheffield, meeting my mum, life as a photographer and a host of other memories were all shared regularly over the nearly 40 years I knew him.
When he passed away, writing his eulogy was difficult for me and my brother, because there was so much to include. We wrote a lot and then had to edit it down. We shortened bits here and there but made sure we included as many memories, stories and funny moments as possible. My brother and I still carry those memories and they are being passed on to our own families too.
Every day, something reminds me of Dad. The RAF March Past on the radio brings to mind the picture of him working in the control room of RAF Uxbridge during
National Service. A friend's child complaining about school exams reminds me that Dad left school with no qualifications at 14 and yet built our first computer, microchip by microchip, in the early 1980s. Glancing at the photo of my parents on the sideboard captures the story of the first time they met when they performed in a concert together.
Dad never intentionally shared his past to make sure it was passed down through the generations. However, the small things he showed us and described created a rich tapestry of information that is now very precious. So, I thought I'd share with you what he used to do and I've added some of my own. You might use a few to share your own memories with your loved ones. If you do, you'll be sharing and making memories, all at the same time.
Play your favourite songs from the past. Explain why they are special and tell any funny stories associated with them.
Watch your favourite films together or search YouTube for old episodes of sitcoms or dramas you enjoyed. Some of the content may seem very outdated but you could share why you liked them so much at the time.
Look at old photographs together. Laugh at the outfits and hairstyles, and name the people. If possible, write the information down and keep it with the photo. You could even frame a few old photos and put them around the house to prompt discussion.
Visit places that were special to you and your family in the past, or look at pictures of the locations online. Let the location trigger memories, including sad ones, and share your feelings. A day trip with family members will also make new, precious memories that can be passed on too.
Visit the town and, if possible, the street where you lived in the past. Explain what it was like living there, name the neighbours you knew, spot what has changed and what has stayed the same. The Street View function in Google Maps can help you do this too.
Remember to share the sayings, doings and activities that have been important to you throughout your life, or that were passed down to you from older relatives. Words of wisdom can be universal and meaningful today.
Visit graves and cemeteries together. Lay some flowers, even though you might not have visited for years, and let the names and dates trigger memories.
Get old school books, class photos and exam papers out of the loft. Share and compare them to those of the children in your family today and be prepared to tell them the truth about your school life...if you dare.
Watch old cine films and videos of holidays, day trips and special occasions. Answer everyone's questions about the people, places and events shown and add extra information of your own. Small, seemingly unimportant details can be fascinating.
Dig out your 'jobmobilia' which could be anything from certificates and clocking-in cards to mining tokens, newspaper clippings or grainy snapshots. Explain what you did at work and how you did it. Things have changed so much, some of the details may be pretty unbelievable to children and grandchildren today.
If you take a couple of these ideas and run with them, enjoy all the old memories you will share and the new memories you will make. However, one quick word of warning. I must admit that Dad could tell the same stories over and over again, given half the chance, so don't get too carried away! Be mindful when it's time to put the past away for one day and get on with making new memories in the present. Just a hint!
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