Do you know how the process of creating a celebrant-led funeral ceremony works? The answer may be ‘Yes’ if you’ve had to do it before, and most probably ‘No, I wouldn’t know where to start!’ if you haven’t.
In this blog, I’ll take the mystery out of planning a celebrant-led ceremony and give you a step-by-step checklist of the process.
1. Choose a celebrant
You know you want a celebrant-led ceremony, but where do you find a good celebrant? Many funeral directors have lists of celebrants and often have the experience to choose one that feels suitable for the family.
However, you don’t have to go with the funeral director’s choice. You can ask friends for recommendations, do a Google search for local celebrants, or ask the director to describe the people on their list so that you can choose the best one for you.
2. Make contact
You can directly contact a celebrant, have a chat and decide if they are the right person for you. Or you can ask your funeral director to make contact. Either way, you will have an initial discussion on the phone and the celebrant will arrange a good time and place to meet to discuss the ceremony. Some celebrants work on Zoom, which can be convenient, but face-to-face meetings can be more personal, and a good celebrant should be happy to visit you in the comfort of your own home.
3. Prepare for the meeting
It’s worth thinking about what you would like the funeral ceremony to include before you meet the celebrant. This can be as simple as making a couple of music choices or noting down that your aunt is going to read a poem. A good celebrant will explain how best to prepare for the meeting, but here are some things to think about.
Music – Choose at least three pieces that either reflect the tastes or beliefs of the deceased or are meaningful to you as a family.
Readings – Choose at least two poems or other readings such as religious texts, quotes from books or personal memories. Think also about who will read. Will the celebrant read everything or do family members want to speak?
Photographs and objects – Do you want a photograph or other objects placed on the coffin to represent your loved one? Objects can be very symbolic, and the celebrant may refer to them during the ceremony.
Other activities – Do you want to lay flowers on the coffin, sing a special song, or give out a keepsake during the ceremony? Some families do and some don’t, the choice is yours.
Dress code – Will you ask people to wear a special symbol or colour? Explain the meaning to the celebrant. They might refer to it in the ceremony….and they may wear the colour or symbol themselves.
Donations – Are you going to collect money for charity or to create a lasting memorial to your loved one? The celebrant can mention this in the ceremony to make the congregation aware, and the funeral director will provide a collection box on the day.
Further ideas, information and questions – Don’t be afraid to bring other ideas to the meeting to discuss with the celebrant, even if you think they may not be possible. You may also want to jot down some information about your loved one or you may have questions or worries about the ceremony. Bring all your thoughts to the meeting, they are all important and valid.
4. The meeting
It might seem a long time, but the meeting should last around two hours. People often feel nervous beforehand and worry they can’t remember anything. However, a good celebrant will ask the right questions at the right time to gather all the information they need, so there’s nothing to worry about.
During the meeting, you will share memories, funny stories and sometimes personal information about your loved one, and sometimes there may be information you don’t want to include in the ceremony. The celebrant is there to speak for you and your family, so it’s fine to say if there is something you don’t want to include.
A good celebrant should also ask for copies of any readings or words that other people are going to say so they can be incorporated into the ceremony script. This is important, as it ensures the ceremony runs to time and it means that if the person can’t read on the day, the celebrant can take over.
5. Writing the ceremony
The celebrant will take all the information they have gathered in the meeting and write the ceremony. The eulogy, which is the person’s life story, is at the heart of a good celebrant-led ceremony and this should be fully personalised. It can take many hours to write, check and edit a ceremony, but you should hear back from the celebrant in 3 to 5 days, if not before.
6. Checking the ceremony
The celebrant should always send you the ceremony script to check. Some celebrants provide the eulogy only, but many provide the whole ceremony to make sure you are happy with every part.
It’s important to check that names, dates and events are right, but also to make sure that the tone is suitable. You may want to change some words or phrases, or you might want to add or take away a story. Either email the edits to the celebrant or discuss them over the phone and then the celebrant will apply them carefully. When the script is finalised, you can relax, knowing that everything is prepared and in hand.
7. On the day
The celebrant will bring the script and any other readings to the ceremony. They will greet you at the door and check with any readers that they are still happy to go ahead. The celebrant usually leads the coffin in and will begin the ceremony when the entry music fades. The ceremony should then run smoothly and be exactly what you want it to be, a unique celebration of your loved one’s life.
I hope this blog has helped to demystify the process of creating a celebrant-led funeral ceremony. If you are in the planning process now, I hope it helps you to understand the steps you will be taking and that it makes you feel more comfortable about the process. If you are reading this blog out of interest, I hope it will help if you ever need to plan a celebrant-led ceremony in the future.